Physics Humour

Physics humour may be tragic at times. But, at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with some really bad jokes…


An indisputable excuse for neglecting to hand in your latest problem sheet: (No guarantee your tutor will view this as quite so indisputable…)
“According to Newton’s third law, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I was afraid of what the problem sheet could do to me if I worked on it too hard.”


One day, a group of famous physicists decided to crash a Physsoc social…

  • Everyone gravitated toward Newton, but he just kept moving around at a constant velocity and showed no reaction.
  • Einstein thought it was a relatively good time.
  • Thompson enjoyed the plum pudding.
  • Pauli came late, but was mostly excluded from things, so he split.
  • Pascal was under too much pressure to enjoy himself.
  • Ohm spent most of the time resisting Ampere’s opinions on current events.
  • Volta thought the social had a lot of potential.
  • Hilbert was pretty spaced out for most of it.
  • Heisenberg may or may not have been there.
  • The Curies were there and just glowed the whole time.
  • de Broglie mostly just stood in the corner and waved.
  • Everyone was attracted to Tesla’s magnetic personality.
  • Hertz went back to the buffet table several times a minute.
  • After one bite Chandrasekhar reached his limit.
  • Gamow left the party early with a big bang while Hoyle stayed late in a steady state.
  • Instead of coming through the front door Josephson tunnelled through.
  • Rontgen saw through everybody.’


Physics humour at it’s most groan-worthy…

What’s Avocado’s Number?
A Guacamole.

Two neutrinos walk through a bar.

Heisenberg gets stopped for speeding. The policeman asks: “Do you have any idea just how fast you were going?!”, to which Heisenberg replies: “No, but I know exactly where I am!”

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey?
A: (Chicken)(turkey) sine theta!
Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a rock climber?
A: Don’t be stupid, you can’t do that – a rock climber is a scalar!!


I apologise, these are getting rather crude now…

  • Mathematical physicists understand the theory of how to do it, but have difficulty obtaining practical results.
  • Particle physicists do it energetically, and with charm.
  • Astrophysicists do it with a Big Bang.
  • AI researchers have tried to do it since the 60’s but haven’t yet succeeded.
  • Astronomers do it with white dwarfs and red giants.
  • Statisticians would like to do it with the population, but only get a small sample.
  • C++ programmers do it with private members and public objects.